right side coming back up

hello beautiful world :) so sometimes things just creep up onto you and gives you a nice, pleasant, genuine, surprise. 

so i've been depressed the past few days, maybe longer, but anyway i was stuck in a pretty dark place. and being depressed is depressing, and that just makes me even more depressed. its a brutal cycle. 

to make things worse, i was perfectly fine with being depressed. i didnt want to snap out of it, i didnt want to get over my depression. 

i went for a much needed break to starbucks with a friend of mine yesterday, and we talked for ages. i was still depressed and was still fine with being depressed, but i think it made me feel slightly better nonetheless. 

after that i got home, sat my ass down and studied for my test. i went for the test just now, feeling really prepared. for the very first time something felt good. 

now i realize what i was missing. i miss the thrill of knowing all the answers to my teachers' questions. i miss studying and being prepared for class beforehand. i miss formulating my own theories and making the link between theory and practical. i miss being a nerd. 

anyway, i could answer the questions for my test, and everything went smoothly. as i was gathering my things, my teacher gave me this really bright smile. i think i've probably been harbouring a minor crush on my teacher ;p how could i not? she's pretty, young and gorgeous, wears knee length boots, has big hair(in a good way), dresses impeccably stylo('natch for a russian), and her grasp of the english language i dare say is pretty decent if not exemplary plus she's got that cute accent thing going on. 

i walked home alone, strolling along at my own leisurely pace. with the sun in my face and a slight spring in my step, who cares if the melting snow are making rivulets of streams at places? i had fun jumping about :) ain't no puddles gonna spoil my mood!

sometimes we really do need to just slow down to smell the flowers.

solitude isn't such a bad thing sometimes. you can let your thoughts roam free and bound from place to place. 

but when i need company, i know i've got the best friends i could ever ask for. they're wonderful human beings that make me want to put in more effort and better myself for them. so that i can be as good a friend to them as they have been to me. i really love you guys to bits and pieces <3

somewhere in my mind's eye i can imagine my dance teacher saying "prepare". you suck in your tummy; tuck down your butt; pull your body up; rib cage in; shoulders down; long neck; head poised to one side; arms nice and long with rounded elbows in bras bas; relax those fingertips; tighten you leg muscles; and turn out your feet. 

you take a breath in preparation. 

the pianist's fingers poise over the keys or your teacher holds a finger above the 'play' button. 

the command is given as a clear "and" resounds throughout the studio.

the music begins.

I take the plunge forward.