Honestly.
I’m not high maintenance. I’m not demanding. I’m not a
pathetic damsel in distress or a shit human being that needs rescuing or molly coddling.
I’m self-reliant and my basic needs stick to the bare
necessities. (Okay, I can be high maintenance sometimes but I can tone things
down and survive on the bare basics if need be.)
I’m more than happy if you leave me alone. Honestly, if you
didn’t want me to turn into such a shit piece of antisocial, selfish human
being, maybe you shouldn’t have bloody banished
me to Mother Effing Russia all those years ago, All By Myself.
People change over time, and I’ve gotten comfortable in my
own prickly skin. My DGAF attitude is bloody liberating. Maybe you should try
it yourself sometimes. Because honestly, think about it. Why are you bending
over backwards to please an asshole that doesn’t even show gratitude?
I do your stupid chores, stick to your stupid rules, put up
with your stupid quirks. I don’t expect anything in return, but surely a few
hours a day to myself isn’t too much to ask?
I watch 20odd episodes of tv shows a week in Moscow. (Yes,
the Internet has spoiled me; No, it’s not as bad as it sounds because it’s
spread across 6 days and some are half-hour episodes). Anyway, I come back and
deal with the disappointing state of Astro and end up with 3hours of tv a
week. 3 hours a week. Apparently that is asking too much.
I would like to watch my shows in peace, which boils down to
no interruption during my 1-hour of TV time whenever it crops up. I give
everyone plenty warning when my show is on. There is no pause button on Astro.
And yes, every stupid question you ask me brings me back to this reality
instead of the AU that exists on my show. American (& British) dramas make
sense. (Most of the time anyway.) You don’t have too many WTF moments where
logic fails to exist. The dialogues are normally one of the best parts of the
show. I’d like to pay attention to the actor’s acting skills. Their nuances and
expression; the supporting storyline; the character development; the wardrobe
and makeup. So many things can happen with just one look. So yes, it annoys the
hell out of me when you disturb me or ask inane questions. I enjoy quality TV,
which might seem weird to you since all you watch is crap K dramas with
terrible acting and clichéd plots. Your dialogues are reduced to subtitles. You
don’t mind missing an episode or two because you’ll still know what’s going on
in the drama. People on my show die or get blackmailed into doing shit. Basically if I have to miss an episode, I'd rather not watch the rest of the season until I can catch up properly.
I care about my shows and the characters. I know it’s hard for
you to understand because you’ve gotten used to crap, but I have standards and
I actually invest in my shows. So please, leave me the hell alone for the
duration of an episode. Do you really need me to print something for you right
now? Do you really need me to make you a cup of coffee at this time? Am I
really the only one who can whip up a late supper for you?
Another thing I’ve gotten used to doing in Moscow is
writing. I doodle on pieces of paper; I type away on my laptop. It’s hard
enough to find the time to write, harder still to get into the correct mood. If
you ask what I’m doing and my reply is “writing” or “my things”, bloody well
leave it at that. Because no matter how many times you ask me what I’m writing,
my answer will always be “just writing la!”
And for goodness sake, do not fucking read over my shoulder
as I type. Yes, I can feel that. It’s creepy and a rude violation of my
privacy. Reading something out loud will most definitely end with me glaring
daggers at you hoping for you to drop dead and die because seriously, what kind
of shitty human being even does that?!
It's bad enough I can't unwind or de-stress in peace. Honestly, I love each and every one of you, but I need me-time to recharge. The human interaction here is 24/7 and I really need a break from human beings in general. Can we just pretend that I don't exist for a day or two?
Honestly. I'm getting wound tighter each day and you take away my coping mechanisms. This is a shit show waiting to implode.
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