A friend recently shared an article comparing how well mums and maids knew the children. It made for an interesting read, and since I've also been discussing maids with my friends in the past few days, I thought I'd blog a little about this topic.
Foreign Domestic Workers a.k.a. maids a.k.a. kakaks a.k.a. mbak
I know having a full time, live-in maid isn't something common in the West, but my mom grew up with maids, my siblings and I grew up with maids, my younger cousins grew up with maids, almost all my friends grew up with maids - it was just the norm for us. And the few friends that I knew who didn't grow up with a maid had a mom who was a full-time housewife.
Obviously, I knew that not every single family could afford a kakak, but it wasn't until I went abroad to study that I met Malaysians who grew up without a maid (and their moms weren't housewives either!) My first question (after getting over the "culture shock"), was: "but how do you survive?!"
Growing up, I was definitely close with my maids. Not that I wasn't close with my parents - it's just that while they were away at work, it was basically the maid and my grandma (and the occasional relative) at home with us. And because I didn't have a penis, I didn't have a lot of relatives doting upon me or giving me attention (she said, without a trace of resentment in her tone.) So, I looked to my kakak for everything. I was definitely very attached to our maids while I was young.
I spoke Indonesian and English as a child (communicating in Chinese or Hokkien was a nightmare); I cried when my kakak cut herself (i didn't exactly shed tears when my aunt cut herself the next day); I picked up Cantonese watching Hong Kong dramas with my maid; they tied my hair and dressed me up; they came on holidays with us; they wiped away our tears after my parents gave us scoldings and thrashings; they cooked late night suppers for us; they located things we misplaced/didn't put away properly... They did everything. And whenever they went home for Hari Raya holidays, we would tread water (rather miserably) and try to stay afloat until they came back.
I believe we had our very first maid shortly after I was born (Yani), and went through a few (Ani, Isa, Yuli, Tina) until our final one (Siti) who left when I was around 22. The first thought that came to my mind was: but who's going to prepare my curry and rendang bumbu and sambal to bring abroad? 10months being independent and shit in Moscow and I can't go back to enjoying my 2 months in Malaysia with a kakak who would do everything and cook what I wanted to eat? What is life??
As you can probably tell, I'm definitely very pro-maid. My family has been lucky enough to have had good maids and I believe part of it is because my parents were good majikans/employers. Yes, there are maid related horror stories out there, but I believe for the most part, if you treat them well, they'll treat you nicely too. Unless they are genuinely disturbed.
One of the criteria I've set/ my life goal is to be able to afford a kakak before even thinking about having a kid. Unfortunately, maids are getting harder to afford (agent fees are going up - I believe maids are grossly underpaid for all that they do) and Malaysian laws are getting more stringent. Which sucks. Apparently you have to prove that you have kids (under a certain age) or elderly at home that require additional care from a maid. What nonsense is this?! What if I just suck at being an adult?! D:
Foreign Domestic Workers a.k.a. maids a.k.a. kakaks a.k.a. mbak
I know having a full time, live-in maid isn't something common in the West, but my mom grew up with maids, my siblings and I grew up with maids, my younger cousins grew up with maids, almost all my friends grew up with maids - it was just the norm for us. And the few friends that I knew who didn't grow up with a maid had a mom who was a full-time housewife.
Obviously, I knew that not every single family could afford a kakak, but it wasn't until I went abroad to study that I met Malaysians who grew up without a maid (and their moms weren't housewives either!) My first question (after getting over the "culture shock"), was: "but how do you survive?!"
Growing up, I was definitely close with my maids. Not that I wasn't close with my parents - it's just that while they were away at work, it was basically the maid and my grandma (and the occasional relative) at home with us. And because I didn't have a penis, I didn't have a lot of relatives doting upon me or giving me attention (she said, without a trace of resentment in her tone.) So, I looked to my kakak for everything. I was definitely very attached to our maids while I was young.
I spoke Indonesian and English as a child (communicating in Chinese or Hokkien was a nightmare); I cried when my kakak cut herself (i didn't exactly shed tears when my aunt cut herself the next day); I picked up Cantonese watching Hong Kong dramas with my maid; they tied my hair and dressed me up; they came on holidays with us; they wiped away our tears after my parents gave us scoldings and thrashings; they cooked late night suppers for us; they located things we misplaced/didn't put away properly... They did everything. And whenever they went home for Hari Raya holidays, we would tread water (rather miserably) and try to stay afloat until they came back.
I believe we had our very first maid shortly after I was born (Yani), and went through a few (Ani, Isa, Yuli, Tina) until our final one (Siti) who left when I was around 22. The first thought that came to my mind was: but who's going to prepare my curry and rendang bumbu and sambal to bring abroad? 10months being independent and shit in Moscow and I can't go back to enjoying my 2 months in Malaysia with a kakak who would do everything and cook what I wanted to eat? What is life??
As you can probably tell, I'm definitely very pro-maid. My family has been lucky enough to have had good maids and I believe part of it is because my parents were good majikans/employers. Yes, there are maid related horror stories out there, but I believe for the most part, if you treat them well, they'll treat you nicely too. Unless they are genuinely disturbed.
One of the criteria I've set/ my life goal is to be able to afford a kakak before even thinking about having a kid. Unfortunately, maids are getting harder to afford (agent fees are going up - I believe maids are grossly underpaid for all that they do) and Malaysian laws are getting more stringent. Which sucks. Apparently you have to prove that you have kids (under a certain age) or elderly at home that require additional care from a maid. What nonsense is this?! What if I just suck at being an adult?! D:
jessica@mail.postmanllc.net
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