burnin' up

So I posted a new story about two and a half hours ago. So far, i've got 18reviews and more than 650hits. For someone who's ecstatic to get more than 10 reviews a chapter, 18 reviews in merely 2.5 hours has me (kinda) over the moon.

So my reviews have all been mainly positive, but there are a few negative ones out there, and i'm fine with that. But i can't help but notice some users who voice the same thing over and over again in different stories.

When will something be considered con-crit?  and how do you differentiate it from flaming?

It's harsh when you put up your work for the world to scrutinize. obviously not everyone is going to like it, and i'm fine with that, especially since i'm starting to enjoy toeing the line and venturing into the grey area.

when i write something, obviously i write it in a certain way because that's my personal opinion. everyone's entitled to their own POV. if someone has a conflicting opinion with mine, by all means, bring it up, challenge me, we can talk it out or whatever, i don't mind discussing and exchanging opinions. but sometimes at the end of the day, we just have to agree to disagree.

saying something is full of crap is just... childish.

you bring up the same running issue time and again. she's unreasonable, yadda yadda yadda. well, maybe i find it easier to side with the female because i am one, and i can relate to certain issues.

have you ever considered that you've always sided with the male because you are a male too? i'm not playing the sexist card, but us girls are more sensitive to each other and certain things.

no matter how flipping drop dead gorgeous a girl is, every one of us have body image issues. the only difference is how big a deal it is to each individual.

of course we're going to say that things are fine even when its not. what else are we supposed to do? we're wired that way.

it's natural for us to feel insecure at times. yes, we sometimes acquire more reassurances so if you can't deal with that, go find that one special girl that's different or go get yourself a nice dude.

criticize me on my writing style. or on my approach to themes. or how i sometimes don't realize if i'm writing in simple past or past perfect and even some present tense all at the same time. and if i'm not typing out something on microsoft word, go ahead and bash me for relying on auto-capitalization.

don't pick a fight with me because of how i choose to interpret a character's opinion. I'll take your input into consideration, but please, if you're going through all my work to pick on the same person, do us both a favor and stop reading.

no one's forcing you to read. no one's holding a gun to your head. so why don't you just walk away. 


Ps. yes, this is my way of standing up to bullies. i just haven't figured out how to say it to their faces yet, but at least this way, i fell like i'm giving them a piece of my mind. baby steps and small comfort, you know?

election fever

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As people elsewhere on Earth celebrate Cinco de Mayo, the rakyat of Malaysia face our 13^th General Election.

Growing up, I had never been interested in the politics of my country. We had neither war nor famine; things were pretty fine as it was. Even when I entered my teens, politics had never been a topic that came up in discussions with my friends. My dad’s half of the family kept up with the news, but that was it. I tuned out whenever politics was brought up because I didn’t know these people or what they did.

I was in my final year of high school during the previous general election. There had been rumblings and issues were stirring up in the months preceding the election. When the opposition party won over a surprising amount of votes, everyone was thrown in a loop. The rakyat rejoiced upon discovering that yes, we could make a difference and make a stand. For the very first time, we had truly shaken BN to their core.

Years went by, and here we are now.

For the very first time, I was truly excited for Malaysia’s general election. In the months leading up to this election, a myriad of issues were brought to the attention of the rakyat.

See, the government may stifle our voices in the newspaper, radio, talk shows, and even news networks, but one media has managed to become a major platform for voicing our opinions – the internet.

Facebook and twitter gave us information – untainted information – from both parties practically instantaneously. Rallies and gatherings were planned and the word spread like wild bush fires.

Most importantly, it got us youths interested in politics. My bubble of ignorance was finally popped. Maybe it was because I was finally approaching a voting age. Maybe it was because my parents’ problems and the rakyat’s problems have become my problems too.

Regardless of the reasons, I tuned in to check with the results of the general election. To my surprise and joy, I wasn’t the only one affected by this political awareness. My friends were all talking about it. My sister and her friends were talking about it too. It seemed as though everyone was talking about it.

I had multiple windows opened with live result updates and discussions going on with my family and cousins.

As the results slowly trickled in, we waited on the edges of our seats, clicking the refresh button even though the websites came with auto-refresh features.

Way too many hours later, our dreams were absolutely crushed. The disappointment started slowly.

Foreigners were allegedly brought into the country and given Identity Cards (ICs) just so they could vote for BN. My own mother has been in this country for more than twenty five years and she still can’t vote but someone who has been in my country for a mere two days can suddenly vote?

The “Indelible” ink used wasn’t really indelible at all because it had to be “halal”.

Blackouts occurred at counting stations where the opposition had strong leads. Lo and behold, the opposition loses in the end when additional ballot boxes are miraculously found.

To be honest, I didn’t expect the opposition party to win the parliament. They would win states over, yes, but the parliament would be tricky to win over, especially since Sarawak gave BN a strong win with multiple parliament seats from the very beginning.

But for the first few hours, it was a pretty tight race, with the opposition party behind by only about ten seats or so. There was still hope. The rakyat held out for that hope. We were all waiting in anticipation.

More hours passed and the general results were in.

Many people were disappointed and outraged. They felt cheated by this election.

We did not “topple” the government, but tonight was no small achievement either. Change does not come easily. It is not a revolution that occurs overnight. It may feel like we’re taking baby steps, and maybe we are, but what happened tonight was no small feat. There has been progress made.

80% of voters turned up to vote, and this is a record high for Malaysia.

Political awareness has swept through the country like never before.

I see the Malaysian youths take a pro-active stance in our country’s politics and I have to feel proud of this achievement.

The rakyat banded together and made a stand. 

We have loss, yes, but this isn’t the end of the road. We are merely paving the road for a better future.

Many people are demanding actions to be taken or roaming around the streets with parangs. Heck, a whole bunch of people and starting petitions to get the UN or even America involved.

Sleep over it. Don’t do anything rash. Let the dust settle before we try to tackle these problems.

Getting outsiders to interfere is not the way we should settle this. Seriously, we do not need history to repeat itself. Remember when we asked the British for help? Look how well that turned out for our past Sultans. We need to stand together as a nation and face our own problems.

The disappointing events have nearly turned me away from politics but I have faith in the rakyat. We need to stand strong proceed from here. We do what we can in the next five years because every little progress counts.

And at the end of the five years, we, the rakyat, will face the 14^th general election, more prepared than ever.  

pop!

why do we have this incessant need to fix everything? sometimes it's better to leave things good and broken...

the moment we see something that doesn't meet our expectation or if something throws us in for a loop; the moment we notice that tiny mistake or the small imperfection, we reach out to fix it or to hide the blemish under layers of what is more pleasing to our eye.

we think of solutions; reach for the liquid paper; some even go so far as to change their recollection of events so that what remains is a more pleasing memory - the edges blurred out as a soft light casts a hazy glow onto the subjects of said memory. 

but isn't it necessary to let things simmer sometimes? just let it sit and see what happens. 

if our parents rushed over to pick us up every time we fell when learning to walk, none of us would be standing on our own two feet now. 

if the hero doesn't suffer in misery before conquering his demons, the story wouldn't be as captivating as it is. 

if everything is smooth sailing in a relationship in general, we wouldn't experience the elation from triumphs when they came. 

where is this coming from? well it's nothing personal from my mundane life. just an observation that i happened to make today.

i guess that's why i'm such a sucker for angst. i'm referring to the urban dictionary definition of angst.

"Angst, often confused with anxiety, is a transcendent emotion in that it combines the unbearable anguish of life with the hopes of overcoming this seemingly impossible situation. Without the important element of hope, then the emotion is anxiety, not angst. Angst denotes the constant struggle one has with the burdens of life that weighs on the dispossessed and not knowing when the salvation will appear."

unbearable anguish indeed. 

throw in a glimmer of hope for overcoming a seemingly impossible situation and you've more or less got me: hook, line and sinker.

Angst and UST(unresolved sexual tension), eventually turning into fluff and RST(resolved sexual tension), 'natch. Just my cup of tea ;)

reading and writing: always and forevermore, my long love..

i like transforming thoughts into words.

putting pen to paper. the staccato as my fingers hit the keyboard.

playing with the words. changing them around, mixing things up and seeing what i can create from there.

i'd like to be able to take something from my mind - my thoughts - and mold them into words, put them to paper and make it something substantial for another person.

i don't write to please others. i do it to please myself. and if it pleases someone else at the same time, then that's just an added bonus. i have drafts written on loose sheets of paper, plot bunnies hastily transferred to my notebooks, a witty or well-crafted line scribbled here and there. and it just continues to grow.

i do believe my growing love of writing is tightly linked to my everlasting love of reading.


i loved reading as a kid. i still do. just for those few hours, i could escape to another world, leave reality behind as it dissolves into nothingness and immerse myself in a different universe. a place with hope and magic; a place my inner romantic could surface; a place with it's own set of rules.

ebooks and the internet and pdfs are great, but nothing beats holding a solid book in your hands. the experience is just different.

the musty smell of Dragonlance books. the dodgy stain on a book cover. the beloved creases in the paperback's spine. the hastily folded dog ears in the corner of a page. the long forgotten perfume-sample bookmark. the scribbles and notes in the books' margin. the comforting weight in your hand.

i have to admit that my lack of accessibility to printed books have made me enjoy reading slightly less.


hence i have turned to writing. sometimes escaping to another person's world isn't enough. sometimes you have to go out there and create your own world. build your own reality. immerse yourself within a character.

and maybe, just maybe, for that short hour or so, you become someone else. you get to decide anything and everything. it's exhilarating. there's not much else in the world that can top this feeling.

and it feels so liberating.

right side coming back up

hello beautiful world :) so sometimes things just creep up onto you and gives you a nice, pleasant, genuine, surprise. 

so i've been depressed the past few days, maybe longer, but anyway i was stuck in a pretty dark place. and being depressed is depressing, and that just makes me even more depressed. its a brutal cycle. 

to make things worse, i was perfectly fine with being depressed. i didnt want to snap out of it, i didnt want to get over my depression. 

i went for a much needed break to starbucks with a friend of mine yesterday, and we talked for ages. i was still depressed and was still fine with being depressed, but i think it made me feel slightly better nonetheless. 

after that i got home, sat my ass down and studied for my test. i went for the test just now, feeling really prepared. for the very first time something felt good. 

now i realize what i was missing. i miss the thrill of knowing all the answers to my teachers' questions. i miss studying and being prepared for class beforehand. i miss formulating my own theories and making the link between theory and practical. i miss being a nerd. 

anyway, i could answer the questions for my test, and everything went smoothly. as i was gathering my things, my teacher gave me this really bright smile. i think i've probably been harbouring a minor crush on my teacher ;p how could i not? she's pretty, young and gorgeous, wears knee length boots, has big hair(in a good way), dresses impeccably stylo('natch for a russian), and her grasp of the english language i dare say is pretty decent if not exemplary plus she's got that cute accent thing going on. 

i walked home alone, strolling along at my own leisurely pace. with the sun in my face and a slight spring in my step, who cares if the melting snow are making rivulets of streams at places? i had fun jumping about :) ain't no puddles gonna spoil my mood!

sometimes we really do need to just slow down to smell the flowers.

solitude isn't such a bad thing sometimes. you can let your thoughts roam free and bound from place to place. 

but when i need company, i know i've got the best friends i could ever ask for. they're wonderful human beings that make me want to put in more effort and better myself for them. so that i can be as good a friend to them as they have been to me. i really love you guys to bits and pieces <3

somewhere in my mind's eye i can imagine my dance teacher saying "prepare". you suck in your tummy; tuck down your butt; pull your body up; rib cage in; shoulders down; long neck; head poised to one side; arms nice and long with rounded elbows in bras bas; relax those fingertips; tighten you leg muscles; and turn out your feet. 

you take a breath in preparation. 

the pianist's fingers poise over the keys or your teacher holds a finger above the 'play' button. 

the command is given as a clear "and" resounds throughout the studio.

the music begins.

I take the plunge forward.

Perspective

how do you find something lost that was never really found in the first place?

what do you do to cope when the only solution you can think of is to pay for something that shouldn't be bought?

who do you turn to when you know you're the only one that's able to help yourself but you don't think that you're strong enough?

where do you go for solitude if it's not to be found for miles and miles away?

when is the right time to take a pause and step back, really figure out what you're doing with your life?

why do these thoughts always come at inopportune moments?



and on that note, nananananananana batman! i just wanna go hole up in a cave. 

S.

smothering. its just an additional alphabet from mothering. but when does mothering become smothering?

i know it can't be easy to be my mother. i'm too temperamental and question too many things. my thoughts jump around too quickly, flitting from one topic to another within seconds. i have mood swings out of the blue, feeling disgruntled one moment and happy as a lark the next.

i can only pray that any future children of mine won't be as bad as i am now. but then again, what goes around comes back around.