hello beautiful world :) so sometimes things just creep up onto you and gives you a nice, pleasant, genuine, surprise.
so i've been depressed the past few days, maybe longer, but anyway i was stuck in a pretty dark place. and being depressed is depressing, and that just makes me even more depressed. its a brutal cycle.
to make things worse, i was perfectly fine with being depressed. i didnt want to snap out of it, i didnt want to get over my depression.
i went for a much needed break to starbucks with a friend of mine yesterday, and we talked for ages. i was still depressed and was still fine with being depressed, but i think it made me feel slightly better nonetheless.
after that i got home, sat my ass down and studied for my test. i went for the test just now, feeling really prepared. for the very first time something felt good.
now i realize what i was missing. i miss the thrill of knowing all the answers to my teachers' questions. i miss studying and being prepared for class beforehand. i miss formulating my own theories and making the link between theory and practical. i miss being a nerd.
anyway, i could answer the questions for my test, and everything went smoothly. as i was gathering my things, my teacher gave me this really bright smile. i think i've probably been harbouring a minor crush on my teacher ;p how could i not? she's pretty, young and gorgeous, wears knee length boots, has big hair(in a good way), dresses impeccably stylo('natch for a russian), and her grasp of the english language i dare say is pretty decent if not exemplary plus she's got that cute accent thing going on.
i walked home alone, strolling along at my own leisurely pace. with the sun in my face and a slight spring in my step, who cares if the melting snow are making rivulets of streams at places? i had fun jumping about :) ain't no puddles gonna spoil my mood!
sometimes we really do need to just slow down to smell the flowers.
solitude isn't such a bad thing sometimes. you can let your thoughts roam free and bound from place to place.
but when i need company, i know i've got the best friends i could ever ask for. they're wonderful human beings that make me want to put in more effort and better myself for them. so that i can be as good a friend to them as they have been to me. i really love you guys to bits and pieces <3
somewhere in my mind's eye i can imagine my dance teacher saying "prepare". you suck in your tummy; tuck down your butt; pull your body up; rib cage in; shoulders down; long neck; head poised to one side; arms nice and long with rounded elbows in bras bas; relax those fingertips; tighten you leg muscles; and turn out your feet.
you take a breath in preparation.
the pianist's fingers poise over the keys or your teacher holds a finger above the 'play' button.
the command is given as a clear "and" resounds throughout the studio.
the music begins.
I take the plunge forward.
