Let's talk body image issues.
I think all Chinese girls who grew up in a city in Malaysia has faced body image issues at some point in their lives.
You're never at an ideal body weight. You're always either too skinny or too fat. When I was younger, my aunts would say to me: "Have you eaten?(<- that right there is the most Chinese line ever) You should eat more, you're too skinny, it's not pretty." And then one day in my late teens it just flipped and suddenly my aunts were all telling me: "Have you put on weight recently? You look fatter, you should go on a diet."
Growing up as someone who took ballet classes, I had a surprisingly well body image. You're constantly in a room full of mirrors, wearing skin tight leotard and tights, surrounded by other (mostly) skinny girls. We'd get a lecture from our principle to drop 20pounds whenever exam period rolled around, but as long as I could get a flat tummy when I sucked it in, I was fine, I was satisfied with my body. I disliked how I was vertically, but rarely horizontally.
Fast forward a few more years, throw in living abroad on my own for the first time and take out the dance classes. This is where I was the past few years. I wouldn't say I hated my body, but I definitely disliked it. Do I get uncomfortable when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror? Most of the time? Yeah. Did I have occasional good days? Yes, but those were far and few in between.
Am I taking steps to get back to a body shape I'm more comfortable with? Yes.
Am I watching what I eat? Yes.
But, that doesn't mean I cut out eating all that I love. I allow myself indulgences and the occasional binge. But, I watch what I eat not in terms of counting calories, but because I genuinely want to lead a healthier lifestyle. That's my main goal, and if eating healthy and feeling healthy helped me drop some pounds along the way, all the better.
I don't want to crash diet and work out like crazy to quickly shed weight, only to rebound in the near future. I'd like to think that what I'm doing now is a commitment. I'd rather take the slower and longer journey to get where I want healthily and in doing so, create a lifestyle whereby I can maintain it for the long term.
It's hard to feel motivated though. A year or two (or three) ago, I hit a really low point. I was genuinely fat, and the heaviest I had ever been (59 or 60kg, I believe). I couldn't even use the excuse of muscle weighing more than fats, because by this point most of my muscles had converted to fat from disuse. My attitude at this point was basically fuck it. There's no more hope for me, I'm fat, none of my clothes fit, nothing looked good on my body, why bother with anything, why bother trying.
But somehow, I got over it.
It's a tough and uphill battle though. Your metabolism starts doing shit to your body and you refuse to accept that you're ageing and there are consequences whether you liked it or not. You actually have to consciously work hard to get something that you took for granted for years. Years.
I miss my childhood days even though I looked like a malnourished African kid. Oh to be skinny despite what you ate.
Eating is another issue, isn't it? It feels like every single female that I'm surrounding myself with (in Moscow anyway) is obsessed with what they put into their mouths. And I'm just so sick of it because it feels so unhealthy. Essentially, by not (extreme) dieting, you're the odd one out and everyone else (passive aggressively) shames you into feeling guilty. It personally feels like a toxic environment to me and I don't like it. Unfortunately, my best friends do this, my friends do this, the people I live with do this, everyone does this.
While it is easier for me to try and stay above said toxic environment, I find it harder to avoid pettiness as a downfall. I recently saw a few pictures of friends from way back who recently had a reunion of sorts. I haven't even seen pictures of some of them in years. So imagine my surprise when I found out most of them had put on weight. I'll admit, my first reaction was glee. I felt relieved I wasn't the only one who had put on weight! And they looked like they've put on even more weight than me! It is a terrible thought to have, but that was my genuine reaction. I blame this on the body-shaming brainwash I've been living with for the past few years.
Another acquaintance of mine recently came forward to discuss the body image issues she faced and how she came to accept that she had gone into an unhealthy zone with the help of her friends and family, and how she was now working towards getting to a healthy weight. It was a great message, one we've seen all too often. Fat girl loses weight, gets to ideal weight and looks hot, gets obsessed with losing weight and veers off into unhealthy zone. I saw her pictures, and damn, she looked Hot. I'm not sure if those pictures were from her "unhealthy" period, or if there were from a more recent time when she was trying to get back to a "healthy" weight. But my main point is, I admire her for being able to accept that she was in an "unhealthy" phase (because she looked good), and it would be so much easier to just maintain said unhealthy weight because everyone would constantly gush about how they wished they had your body etc etc.
Body image played a rather small part throughout my life, but in the recent years it seems to dominate most of my life and my thinking. There have been times where I wished I had an eating disorder just because it would have made it easier for me to lose weight. Those are very toxic thoughts that developed within a few years of moderate level body image issues. Can you imagine the type of psychological damage that would have developed in a person who grew up their whole life with body image issues? Yes, there are plenty of campaigns out there encouraging a positive body image, but society as a whole needs to change it's mindset.
Because I'm sick of seeing girls who stand up for loving their bodies getting quickly shot down by guys who tell them "Yeah but guys go after girls with hot bodies, not healthy bodies or real bodies."
I think all Chinese girls who grew up in a city in Malaysia has faced body image issues at some point in their lives.
You're never at an ideal body weight. You're always either too skinny or too fat. When I was younger, my aunts would say to me: "Have you eaten?(<- that right there is the most Chinese line ever) You should eat more, you're too skinny, it's not pretty." And then one day in my late teens it just flipped and suddenly my aunts were all telling me: "Have you put on weight recently? You look fatter, you should go on a diet."
Growing up as someone who took ballet classes, I had a surprisingly well body image. You're constantly in a room full of mirrors, wearing skin tight leotard and tights, surrounded by other (mostly) skinny girls. We'd get a lecture from our principle to drop 20pounds whenever exam period rolled around, but as long as I could get a flat tummy when I sucked it in, I was fine, I was satisfied with my body. I disliked how I was vertically, but rarely horizontally.
Fast forward a few more years, throw in living abroad on my own for the first time and take out the dance classes. This is where I was the past few years. I wouldn't say I hated my body, but I definitely disliked it. Do I get uncomfortable when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror? Most of the time? Yeah. Did I have occasional good days? Yes, but those were far and few in between.
Am I taking steps to get back to a body shape I'm more comfortable with? Yes.
Am I watching what I eat? Yes.
But, that doesn't mean I cut out eating all that I love. I allow myself indulgences and the occasional binge. But, I watch what I eat not in terms of counting calories, but because I genuinely want to lead a healthier lifestyle. That's my main goal, and if eating healthy and feeling healthy helped me drop some pounds along the way, all the better.
I don't want to crash diet and work out like crazy to quickly shed weight, only to rebound in the near future. I'd like to think that what I'm doing now is a commitment. I'd rather take the slower and longer journey to get where I want healthily and in doing so, create a lifestyle whereby I can maintain it for the long term.
It's hard to feel motivated though. A year or two (or three) ago, I hit a really low point. I was genuinely fat, and the heaviest I had ever been (59 or 60kg, I believe). I couldn't even use the excuse of muscle weighing more than fats, because by this point most of my muscles had converted to fat from disuse. My attitude at this point was basically fuck it. There's no more hope for me, I'm fat, none of my clothes fit, nothing looked good on my body, why bother with anything, why bother trying.
But somehow, I got over it.
It's a tough and uphill battle though. Your metabolism starts doing shit to your body and you refuse to accept that you're ageing and there are consequences whether you liked it or not. You actually have to consciously work hard to get something that you took for granted for years. Years.
I miss my childhood days even though I looked like a malnourished African kid. Oh to be skinny despite what you ate.
Eating is another issue, isn't it? It feels like every single female that I'm surrounding myself with (in Moscow anyway) is obsessed with what they put into their mouths. And I'm just so sick of it because it feels so unhealthy. Essentially, by not (extreme) dieting, you're the odd one out and everyone else (passive aggressively) shames you into feeling guilty. It personally feels like a toxic environment to me and I don't like it. Unfortunately, my best friends do this, my friends do this, the people I live with do this, everyone does this.
While it is easier for me to try and stay above said toxic environment, I find it harder to avoid pettiness as a downfall. I recently saw a few pictures of friends from way back who recently had a reunion of sorts. I haven't even seen pictures of some of them in years. So imagine my surprise when I found out most of them had put on weight. I'll admit, my first reaction was glee. I felt relieved I wasn't the only one who had put on weight! And they looked like they've put on even more weight than me! It is a terrible thought to have, but that was my genuine reaction. I blame this on the body-shaming brainwash I've been living with for the past few years.
Another acquaintance of mine recently came forward to discuss the body image issues she faced and how she came to accept that she had gone into an unhealthy zone with the help of her friends and family, and how she was now working towards getting to a healthy weight. It was a great message, one we've seen all too often. Fat girl loses weight, gets to ideal weight and looks hot, gets obsessed with losing weight and veers off into unhealthy zone. I saw her pictures, and damn, she looked Hot. I'm not sure if those pictures were from her "unhealthy" period, or if there were from a more recent time when she was trying to get back to a "healthy" weight. But my main point is, I admire her for being able to accept that she was in an "unhealthy" phase (because she looked good), and it would be so much easier to just maintain said unhealthy weight because everyone would constantly gush about how they wished they had your body etc etc.
Body image played a rather small part throughout my life, but in the recent years it seems to dominate most of my life and my thinking. There have been times where I wished I had an eating disorder just because it would have made it easier for me to lose weight. Those are very toxic thoughts that developed within a few years of moderate level body image issues. Can you imagine the type of psychological damage that would have developed in a person who grew up their whole life with body image issues? Yes, there are plenty of campaigns out there encouraging a positive body image, but society as a whole needs to change it's mindset.
Because I'm sick of seeing girls who stand up for loving their bodies getting quickly shot down by guys who tell them "Yeah but guys go after girls with hot bodies, not healthy bodies or real bodies."
